Yes, this blog is a thing. Yes, I forgot about it. Yes, I might abandon it again.

        Hi. Hello. It's been many moons. I'm having a bit of a time with my creative energy pulling me in all sorts of directions. As the years have passed, I've started to wonder if that ebb and flow is a result of depression, anxiety, ADHD, or some combination of those and more. I digress, Madhav brain go brrrrrr. I'm coming back to this abandoned spot on the interwebs to have some kind of documentation for my stream of consciousness. So fully expect stream of consciousness here, and maybe not so much in the way of coherence. 

        In an effort to stave off some of the feelings of inadequacy I have (I know cognitively I am an accomplished human who tries and continues to learn, but Imposter Syndrome and societal expectations are real, evil things), I have decided I want to learn how to code. Maybe someday I can use it in my professional life, maybe it will make me feel smart, maybe it'll help me become Batman.

        I have, as of maybe 10 minutes prior to writing this sentence, become a user of Codeacademy. We'll see what, if anything comes from this lmao. I also have become a proud owner of a library card! This brings me more joy than I can begin to explain. I went to the library on my work break yesterday, and I came back with several books on different coding languages. My eyes may have been too big for my learning stomach here, but there's a sense of tactile wonder in picking up a book and reading about something you have no understanding of. I'm a little bit more tempered in my approach today, so I know the books I've procured may be helpful, but also might be a little above my knowledge base at the moment-which brings me back to Codeacademy. I'm starting out with HTML courses there. The books I have are for Javascript, SQL, and C++. I think the Javascript book might be a little too much for me right now, but we'll see (I tried reading it while sleep-deprived, and somehow, that didn't work too well). 

        I don't know if there's going to be any kind of flow to which language I learn first, or if I learn one at a time, or if I will even continue to learn them beyond a few days to weeks. The fact of the matter is, right now, I think it sounds cool. Call it my new fixation. It's not a hyperfixation yet, and I don't know if it will be, but the potential is there. The idea of learning coding languages and somehow gaining the power to bend technology and computers to my will is a not-insignificant (if not fantastical) motivator of mine in this endeavor. I also had to catch myself to spell the word endeavor as "endeavor" not "endeavour"- I told you this would be stream of consciousness. I also think I have a bit of nostalgia for the idea of problem solving. I don't problem solve in a STEAM way these days much, and I kinda miss it.  *shrugs*

        Anyways. I am here:

        I could end up here at anytime:

        I guess we'll see which it is! If I keep with this in the way that I'm thinking of, I'll post thoughts, hopes, frustrations, problems, and general feedback on my learning process here. If I don't keep with this in the way I'm thinking of, look out for the next post sometime in the next year or three I guess?

Signing off for now,

The Resident Chaos-Monkey