"Ruh-Roh: Rime Roesn't Ray!"

Hey!

Been a long time. For my return to blogging, I'm doing something very random that struck me on a whim. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat, you might ask? Prepare for ...

CONTEXT!

*drumroll*

So I love Scooby Doo. I grew up on Scooby Doo. I used to watch it with my mom all the time, and we had a blast together. The show What's New Scooby Doo! came out when my brother was a toddler., and it was great because I got a new way to introduce him to something I loved. We watched it every Saturday morning for a long time. With all that in mind, I bought all 3 seasons over the course of the last year or so because I was feeling nostalgic.

One night, while I was watching an episode with a glass of wine (par for the course), I asked my partner what she thought the crimes the villain would be charged with as well as costs for property damage. We then spent like 20 minutes debating this.

So, inspired by this series of events, I am going to re-watch ALL of What's New Scooby Doo! and do my best to analyze crime charges and property damages from each episode-not just those attributed to the villains, but the Scooby gang as well. I'm gonna call these posts "Ruh-Roh: Rime Roesn't Ray!" (working title).

Full disclosure- this won't be in any kind of episode order, updates might be glacially slow, AND I have little to no legal knowledge. So don't expect anything that will fully hold up in a court of law (seriously-don't). What you CAN expect is a short recap of each episode, a list of the characters, and my not-so-professional analysis of crimes and costs. I'll also have pictures of the characters as well as links to their pages from the Scooby Doo fandom wiki! If I get something woefully wrong, please tell me! So, with all that context provided, let's start this thing!

We're starting with season 3, episode 5: "Farmed and Dangerous." This episode is the 2nd that includes the Secret Six- a litter of golden retriever puppies whose mother is an award-winning show dog. The secret six and their mother, along with their owner, are staying on a farm in the country. The episode starts with the dogs relaxing on the farm before the appearance of a creepy demon farmer with a SCYTHE FOR A HAND.

Here's a breakdown of the characters that are not the Scooby gang:

Demon Farmer- villain obvi: creepy looking zombie dude with a scythe for one of his hands- proclaimed ghost of Farmer Terwilliger (Farmer T)



Mr. B- secretive rich man who is the owner of the Secret Six and their mother



Farmer P- scary looking neighbor farmer



Jonas Sulk- sulky looking farmhand/inventor



Frida Flora- Local animal safety group member



Chrissie- The pups' mom



Secret Six Puppies-the cutest of smol golden pups with hearts of gold and tons of sass

Maize
Flax
Knox
14 Karat
Bling Bling
Jingle



Now we've met everyone, let's get to...

THE PLOT

Now that we've talked characters, let's talk plot. The Scooby gang are on their way to visit the Secret Six puppies when they're almost driven off the road by the Demon Farmer on a tricked out tractor (say that 5 times fast) with afterburners spewing hellfire.

CRIME #1: RECKLESS DRIVING

There we have it folks. There's the first crime of the episode! The kind of driving the Demon Farmer was doing could probably have been worth a charge of reckless driving- a major moving traffic violation which is often characterized as a mental state where an individual is showing a wanton disregard for the rules of the road.

I'm using Jonas Sulk's vaguely southern accent and "farmhand" attire of overalls and a collared shirt (we meet him later in the episode-spoilers I guess?) to guess this episode happens in the South U.S. Given that charges and crime classifications can vary by state, I am arbitrarily stating that this episode happens in Alabama for charge and consequence classification.

Code of Alabama 1975, Title 32 (Motor Vehicles and Traffic), Section 32-5A-190 (Reckless driving):

(a) Any person who drives any vehicle carelessly and heedlessly in willful or wanton disregard for the rights or safety of persons or property, or without due caution and circumspection and at a speed or in a manner so as to endanger or be likely to endanger any person or property, shall be guilty of reckless driving.

(b) Every person convicted of reckless driving shall be punished upon a first conviction by imprisonment for a period of not less than five days nor more than 90 days, or by fine of not less than $25.00 nor more than $500.00, or by both such fine and imprisonment, and on a second or subsequent conviction shall be punished by imprisonment for not less than 10 days nor more than six months, or by a fine of not less than $50.00 nor more than $500.00, or by both such fine and imprisonment, and the court may prohibit the person so convicted from driving a motor vehicle on the public highways of this state for a period not exceeding six months, and the license of the person shall be suspended for such period by the Director of Public Safety pursuant to Section 32-5A-195.

Given that this was probably a first offense, and it was pretty severe, I'd say that the Demon Farmer upon being captured would be charged with reckless driving and be convicted and imprisoned for the full 90 days wit the accompanying $500 fine (I'll have a handy table at the end with crime, cost, and jail time/other penalties).

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Following that harrowing experience, the gang mean Farmer P, a really creepy looking man. He seems to be doing his damnedest to creep them all out by warning them to stay away from Mr. B's farm because bad things happen there (not ominous at allllll...). The Scooby gang arrive on the farm and meet the Secret Six, Chrissie, and Mr. B-who is being cagey about the events (hauntings?) of late. We also meet Jonas Sulk, the only remaining farmhand on the farm and creepy-coded character. Given that there's a shortage of workers on the farm, the Scooby gang offer to help. However, they are WOEFULLY inept. Farmhand Jonas comes in and offers to help and reveals himself to be quite the inventor (chicken-massager, fancy plow, and a fancy tractor which was stolen-hmmmmmmmmmmmm). 

CRIME #2: THEFT OF PROPERTY IN THE FIRST DEGREE

That's right folks. The stolen tractor is crime number 2. Based on an estimate from Costowl.com, some of the largest and most powerful farming models of tractors can go up to several hundreds thousand dollars (which we're presuming rich man Mr. B can easily afford). Given that the stolen model was a tricked out prototype made with Jonas's inventing talents, I'm going to estimate that this tractor is worth 5-600,000 dollars. Since we went with Alabama for the setting, any theft of a motor vehicle is a theft of property in the first degree- a class B felony. In Alabama, Class B felonies can carry a jail sentence of anywhere from 2-20 years as well as fines up to $30,000.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Meanwhile, Shaggy and Scooby are playing hide and seek with the Secret Six. Scooby jumps out of a hay bale and scares the crap out of Shaggy (if this were the original Scooby Doo series, there would've been a laugh track). The REAL scare comes a second later, when the Demon Farmer pokes his head out and attempts to slice through them all with his scythe/hand-which incidentally is...

CRIME #3: ATTEMPTED MURDER

BOOM! This one is our first instance of attempted murder. Let's be real. If you're slicing a sharp scythe at someone, it's probably not with the intent to just scare them shitless. I'm calling this attempted murder, which in Alabama is a CLASS A FELONY. That carries with it the potential for at least 10 years to life in prison and fines up to $60,000. Given that the only human threatened was Shaggy (freaking speciest), that's currently one count for attempted murder. Given the nature of how Scooby Doo villains work, the number of attempted murder charges will increase throughout the episode (I'll make note of what I think the total is in the table below). That covers Shaggy, but what about the poor pups? They fall under...

CRIME #4: ANIMAL CRUELTY

Under Alabama law, a person who "...subjects any animal to cruel mistreatment, neglect (as long as he or she have custody of the animal, or kills or injures without good cause any animal belonging to another..." has committed a class A misdemeanor. Given that there were 7 pups in danger of death by scythe (I'd argue that this qualifies as cruel mistreatment), that's 7 charges of a class A misdemeanor in Alabama. Each charge carries with it up to 1 year in jail and up to a $6,000 fine, which means a whopping 7 years and most likely $42,000. PHEW.

In short, Demon Farmer is a huge asshole.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Shaggy, Scooby, and the pups manage to escape and catch up with the rest of the gang. After they do, animal rights activist Frida Flora appears, claiming to have heard about the mistreatment of animals happening on the farm. She wants to take the puppies to a safe place, and she doesn't care if she doesn't have a warrant to do so. She doesn't actually take the pups- which is good because that would be listed as Crime #5. She leaves and warns she'll come back with a warrant. A potential motive is given that might indicate that Frida is the villain- whoever has the pups has the farm because the farm is in the pups' name.

*sidebar

THIS IS THE MOST QUESTIONABLE OF CHOICES. I did not question this as a child, but I found this to be plain wild and hella amusing as a grown-ass adult.*

Mr. B reveals he might have camera footage of the person who stole Jonas's tractor, which the gang believe to be the one the Demon Farmer is using. They settle down to watch the footage on the side of the barn and Mr, B gets weirdly and suspiciously cagey about there not being any popcorn available (he offered a pretzel as an alternative, and like Shaggy and Scooby, I was thoroughly offended). As the thief's face is about to appear in the footage, the Demon Farmer busts out the side of the barn on his tractor and destroys the footage! 

*Reenactment of the Demon Farmer's breaking the side of the barn*

CRIME #5: DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY

Disclaimer: not sure if I have the right charge here. From what I understand, any person who destroys private property and causes imminent danger to the public will be charged with a class B felony. Again, not sure if this is the accurate charge. The language was not clear as to whether homes/barn were included in this description, so if you have any insight let me know! Class B felonies carry anywhere from 2-20 years in prison as well as fines up to $30,000.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

What follows is this episode's first chase scene. The gang appear to suspect Jonas as his handiwork appears dropped from the Demon Farmer's tractor. Freddie suggest the gang split up to look for clues ( because of course he does). Fred, Daphne, and Velma run into Farmer P, who in continuing on his theme, tells a scary ghost back story for the Demon Farmer and scares them all shitless. Scooby and Shaggy check out the farm silo. When they open it, they're buried under a mountain of rainbow-colored popcorn which (for whatever reason) has every flavor imaginable (think only the good flavors of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans meets popcorn). Jonas finds them chowing down and angrily claims the popcorn is his, but Shaggy and Scooby pull out convenient bags and make off with some of their treasure. In character for them certainly, but they committed...

CRIME #6: PETTY THEFT (THIRD DEGREE THEFT IN ALABAMA)

Scooby and Shaggy each stole roughly a microwave popcorn bag's amount of popcorn. I'm going to assume that even though the popcorn is proprietary and experimental, the cost of 2 bags worth is less than $500. Alabama is not about petty theft. Petty theft or shoplifting is charged as Third Degree Theft if the value of the stolen items is under $500. That is a class A misdemeanor and carries with it up to a year in jail and/or a fine up to $6,000.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Mr. B continues to be suspicious about popcorn and Fred is about to lose it with how many suspects there are, so he suggests the one thing that helps to center him...TRAPS! However, before Fred can set it up, animal rights person Frida comes back with a court order for the pups (le gasp). Velma "tells" Frida where the pups are and sends her off on a wild goose chase.

CRIME?: NOT SURE WHAT THIS IS BUT IT SEEMS SKETCH

So this situation seems sketchy. I'll explain why I think so.

1. Can Frida as a public individual, obtain a warrant to gain access to another person's private property (pups). I am not very familiar with how warrants work, but the fact that she has the authority to do this seems very questionable to me.

2. IF Frida's warrant is valid, does Velma lying about the location of the pups count as obstruction of justice? Again, this goes back to me not being sure about how warrants work. 

Ultimately, I feel like some sort of crime is being committed here, but I'm not sure who is committing one, what it is, and what the consequences would be.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Meanwhile the demon farmer fins Scooby and the pups and starts chasing them. Fred's ingenious trap is just a roll of chicken wire that' s hard to see in the night. Mr. B is the one that gets caught though. He gets cagey again about the gang going underground to help the pups (why you gotta be so suspicious man?). They find all the pups who are thankfully safe. They run off like they've got someone to show the gang. Strangely, they find a metal door underground with a passcode lock. Turns out, the pups' collars have numbers on them and they represent the code! The smart little pups order themselves into passcode order and the gang goes inside to discover a secret lab! They find more parts from Jonas's invention. We also find out he's low-key genetically engineering EVERY FLAVOR POPCORN. Mr. B comes clean about the lab  (which is his) which is a business venture that he's partnering with Jonas for to make the world's best popcorn. The Demon Farmer then burst out of Mr. B's house on the tractor!

Before we get to the crime that just occurred- here's a sidebar... HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THE TRACTOR INSIDE THE HOUSE. Did he use his ghostly powers to ghost it inside? Did he burrow underground and bring it up? DID HE METICULOUSLY BRING IT WITHOUT DAMAGING ANYTHING? These are the real questions folks- the ones nobody is asking. Anyways...

CRIME #7: DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY (AGAIN)

Same dealio as the last situation. From what I understand, any person who destroys private property and causes imminent danger to the public will be charged with a class B felony. Class B felonies carry anywhere from 2-20 years in prison as well as fines up to $30,000.

*the Demon Farmer probably*

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

Fred has had it with the Demon Farmer. So he decides to go mano a mano (said in the WHITEST way) which leads too...

THE CHASE SCENE!

(The song of this episode's chase scene is "Something's Going On" by A!)

Fred and the Demon Farmer proceed to joust (?) with their respective vehicles and crash. 

NOT A CRIME (maybe) BUT CAR REPAIRS COST MONEY

Hopefully, Fred has insurance for the Mystery Machine, but tbh I don't think insurance would cover this. Given that he and the Demon Farmer willfully drove at each other, they're both at fault.

sidebar: wasn't sure if this would be a charge against reckless driving against either the Demon Farmer or both Fred and the Demon Farmer. It COULD be a crime, but I have no idea how to even begin to parse this situation out legally. Let me know if you think or know this is a crime!

I'd say Fred is looking at easily 3-4000 dollars. Thankfully, the gang seems loaded (how else do they afford all their shenanigans other than white privilege money?). The tractor on the other hand...

CRIME #8: DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY (ONCE MORE)

Again, any person who destroys private property and causes imminent danger to the public will be charged with a class B felony. Class B felonies carry anywhere from 2-20 years in prison as well as fines up to $30,000.

MOVING ON IN THE PLOT

The Demon Farmer is revealed to be... FARMER P. However, Farmer P is actually... NEVILLE POPPENBACHER- a rival in the popcorn business who was looking to take the recipe for the best popcorn for his own given that his own formula is apparently the worst thing since the New York Times published a recipe for guacamole with green peas (I'M STILL FURIOUS). Next up:

*Neville Poppenbacher- the most villainous of villains (one who can't make good popcorn)*

CRIME #9: CORPORATE ESPIONAGE

Okay, look. Neville Poppenbacher is clearly a part of the Big Popcorn industry. He's attempting to steal a novel formula for his own corporate gain like the dirty capitalist he is. That aside, I believe he's conducting corporate espionage n violation of the Economic Espionage Act of 1996. If the theft/ attempted theft is domestic (which it is in this case), individuals face up to 10 years in prison and a fine and an organization faces a fine of up to $5,000,000. 

WRAPPING UP THE PLOT

He would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids (and pups)! Neville Poppenbacher is taken away by the police, and Frida is lured and trapped in the silo by the pups. As the episode closes out, Shaggy and Scooby are nowhere to be found! Suddenly, they burst out of the silo (along with Frida) riding a rainbow popcorn wave, eating it all the while. There's a cute "Scooby-Dooby Doo!" with the pups, but...

CRIME #10: PETTY THEFT (SHAGGY AND SCOOBY YOU MONSTERS)

We get that you're always hungry because of really overactive metabolisms, BUT COME ON. THIEVING SCOUNDRELS. The amount we see consumed is still probably under $500, so it still counts as Third Degree Theft: class A misdemeanor and carries with it up to a year in jail and/or a fine up to $6,000. That being said, it's entirely possible they demolished all of the popcorn in the silo jacking up their overall cost of popcorn eaten AND their crime charges.

HANDY CRIME AND COST CHART

Note: For any crime/cost that says "up to" as opposed to an actual number for a lower limit, I utilized the upper bound in my calculation of totals. For example, "Up to $6,000" is counted as $6,000 for the calculation.

Final Thoughts

This was a lot of fun for me! It also took way longer than I thought it would (so updates might be slower than anticipated). I learned a fair bit too!

I know I'm making our country's legal system of charging individuals with crimes and administering of consequences way more straightforward than it is. I'm well aware that our legal system does not really work this way. In all honesty, Neville Poppenbacher as a seemingly affluent, white owner of a company would probably have gotten much less significant sentencing (if any). Scooby and Shaggy's petty theft would probably not even be charged. We could also have a discussion about micro-aggressions and how harmful narratives are propagated- but that's a different post.

With all that said, let me know what you think! This is my first time doing anything like this, and I would love the feedback! See you next time!